Double Digits, Watch Out!

How is it possible?? My little girls are already 10 months old.  In less than 2 months, we are going to be celebrating their 1st birthday and giving ourselves a much needed pat on the back for surviving the 1st year of parenthood. Sometimes I don't know how we've managed to stay sane, be somewhat rested, and not lose our cool. Actually, who am I kidding? I'm definitely sleep deprived, a little insane at times, and have occasionally lost my cool. But hey, from the mommy meltdown stories I've heard the last couple of weeks and the out pour of sympathy emails after my last post, I feel totally normal for NEEDING an adult beverage at night to unwind and reflect on all the parenting mistakes I made during the day. 

Since their birthday is just around the corner, you better believe I am already planning MY, I mean their, party. It's pretty hard to plan a 1st birthday without wanting to get carried away. I contemplated so many girly themes...princess, fairies, ballerinas, barbies, tea parties...oh the options are endless!  Basically anything obnoxiously feminine and pink would be perfect. Then all of a sudden it hit me. They aren't going to remember ANY of it so I really need to save my arsenal of playful themes for when they are a little bit older and can appreciate (HA!) or at least get excited about the tricks up my sleeve. I've accepted that it's probably too soon to hire Cinderella to stop by and give my girls some tips on how to snag their own Prince Charming. So I've decided to settle with a quaint, colorful, twist on the classic "Shabby Chic" garden party. Picture colorful fabrics, bunting banners, whimsical pinwheels, a dessert/candy bar (of course, in addition to a real bar) and homemade pink lemonade served up in antique mason jars. I'm excited about putting this all together and even more excited about making it unique, cozy, homemade, and affordable. I've got a strict budget I want to work with and believe it or not, it's been easier and more enjoyable trying to do this on a "dime". There is something so rewarding about bargain shopping and getting crafty. It's almost as if I feel victorious when I stumble upon a gem in the dollar aisle at target or even better... find something with potential in my own house! I know, I'm way ahead of myself but I can't help it, a first birthday is kind of a big deal. It may not be the elaborate, fairy tale party that I had initially envisioned, but it will still be beautiful and memorable.

Time to get started on one of my DIY party projects. Pictures like these, attached to clothespins and hung on a beautiful ribbon.

Just for fun, here's some of the cute stuff that my girls have been up to lately...

-Kisses! You girls love to give your mommy and daddy open mouthed, slobbery kisses. This might be the only time giving a little tongue is acceptable, you hear me? Daddy says don't get used to it.
-Moo'ing! Your papa has sure done a great job at teaching you what sound a cow makes. You are only 10 months old and can moo on command. I see big things ahead of you. In fact, I am already researching  pre-schools for the gifted.
-Clapping! It's gotta be the cutest thing to see those chubby little hands clapping back and forth at the mere sound of a song or spongebob intro. Oh, and if you hear one of those Nickolodeon boy band songs, forget about it, there is no stopping the excitement that takes over your tiny little bodies. I blame you for my Bieber Fever.
-Teething! So this milestone may not be that "cute" due to the slobber and middle of the night tossing and turning, but the little budding teeth that are starting to show is pretty adorable. I am however, getting a little nervous about the nursing situation. It's bad enough that when I don't cut your nails regularly, I look like I have been malled by a tiger. Throw some teeth in there and I might be bringing turtlenecks back in style.


Ok, I've wasted enough time. Time to get working on that project!

Meltdown

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing goes right and you feel like you are going to lose your mind? A day where you want to curl up into your kids crib and join in on the cry fest?  A day where you say things you shouldn't and for a brief moment wish you had your "old" life back?  Well after 9 months of parenting twins, I finally had my first "Mommy Meltdown."

I'm not going to bore you with the mundane details of how that day went. In fact, for some, it was probably a typical, unpredictable day. You know how it goes:

-Early wake time

-Out of coffee

-Breakfast everywhere

-Diaper blow out

-Interrupted naps

-Company when all you want is to be alone

-Fussy, clinging babies

-Incessant crying

-Pounding headache

-No time for shower

The list really could go on, but I think you get the point. Now, don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of frustrating and tiring days. Days that kick my butt and that make me want to drop my girls off at a neighbor's house and just run (Totally kidding...kind of). This day however, was over the top and just sent me into tears.

I try so hard to be everything to my daughters and on this particular day I felt inadequate and unwanted. I know its absurd to think this, but I felt like I had failed and let down not only my girls but also my husband. I let the unpredictable and undesirable moments of the day dictate my mood and I just knew my girls were feeding off of my negative energy. At times, I was convinced they were doing this to me on purpose. Sort of a payback for all those "cry it out" nights that I put them through.

The moment my husband walked into the door, I handed him a kid, ran upstairs, and buried my head into my pillow so he couldn't hear my pathetic sobs. I was embarrassed that I couldn't handle a couple of fussy little babes and I didn't want him see the day's failures all over my face.  Silly me, all he had to do was look around the dirty kitchen, the disastrous playroom, and the filthy, food stained outfits on the girls to see how the day turned out.  There was no hiding it from him. He just knew I had been defeated.

Instead of bringing up what he knew was a horrible day, he offered to pick up my favorite treat from starbucks, to feed the girls their dinner, to give me some alone time for a nap and (gasp) let me take an uninterrupted, long and "much needed" (his words) shower. That night he hugged me and and thanked me for all that I do for him and the girls and he told me that he was proud of me and of the Mom that I had become.

In an instant, hearing those words erased the days frustrations. I never pegged myself as someone who craved attention or affirmation but being acknowledged and appreciated never felt so good.

Thankfully, these days are few and far between, at least for now.

I'm sure I will have my fair share of more meltdowns, but in the meantime...I'd like more moments like these please:

Chubby wrists and ankles make me melt...oh and cheeks, and thighs, and bottoms. Just not on me!

Yum, nothing like some plastic in our mouth!

Those eyes

That face

And that smile always bring me to my knees.

Rockin the sippy cup at 9 months!

These girls LOVE their daddy

Oh how lucky they are to have each other!

Sportin my faux fur vest!

And we love all our HUGE headbands!

Thanks for suprising us at the park Dad! 

New Year...

...new me. I'm not one for New Year's resolutions. In fact I've never made one before. Which means by default, I've also never failed at one either! Not that anything was wrong with the old me (insert sarcasm here), I'm just craving some new beginnings and strongly desire to become a better wife, mom, daughter and overall person.

These two beauties have given me such purpose and a greater appreciation for life. I want to make sure to squeeze every bit of out of the life I was given and want my girls to be proud of the mother they have. I want them to feel the sunshine on their tiny little bodies every day that it is out and I want them to wiggle their toes in the dirt, sand, or grass every chance they get. I want to be more "present" every moment I am with them and forget about the pile of laundry that needs to be folded or the toys that need to be picked up. I want to make sure that every moment I have with them is memorable and unlike no other. I want to smother them with fun, goofiness, cuddles, kisses and just plain love because they deserve it.

The holidays are just about packed up. That dang tree is staring me down begging me to give it it's final resting spot and the garland and nativity scenes are being boxed up as I type. The neighbors cookies and treats have been polished off and all the holiday left overs are long gone. Oh how I wish I could blame my husband for not leaving a crumb behind, but the little, I repeat, LITTLE muffin top on my "skinny" jeans begs to differ. I know it's so cliche but one of my resolutions is to lose the rest of my pregnancy weight and take better care of my body. I refuse to utter the word "diet" so instead, I am resolved to eating healthy and excercising more. Not only for me, but for my girls. I intend on being around for a very long time and while I'm here I always want to have the energy for them.

My vow to incorporate a healthier lifestyle isn't the only resolution I've made. I actually hesitate to call my list "resolutions" out of fear that I will consider it a failure if I don't accomplish them. Instead, I will call it my 2011 bucket list. This way I can relish in the accomplishments of completing my goals and I can have a list of "things" to look forward to.  So here it goes...

-Have a picnic in the park with my family. No phones, no iPads, no electronics.  Just me, my husband, my girls and God's creation. 

-Finally complete one of the several scrapbooks that I've started

-Run a 5k with my girls. Double jogger in tow.  

-Clean out my closet and donate my clothes to a worthy organization

-Attend The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network's yearly fundraising gala in honor of my mom and grandmother who both succumbed to the horrible disease. 

-Hike a new spot in Orange County at least once a month with the girls strapped to our backs. 

-Take my girls to my husband and I's favorite spot in the world, Hanalei Bay, Kauai and let them dig their toes in the sand for hours. 

-Surprise my husband with a spontaneous trip or gift just because.

-Take more pictures and not let them just sit in cyber storage.  

-Be more present as a mother and not sweat the small stuff. Enjoy every moment, as it will soon just be a memory.

-Live healthier. More fun in the sun, puddle jumping in the rain, snacking straight from mother nature, and washing it all down with God's greatest cocktail, H20.

There you have it, my New Year's Bucket List. A new year, a new me. I have so much to look forward to and so much to be grateful for.

Take a look for yourself...

8 Months Old!

Last week, my girls turned 8 months old.  It's amazing how much "stuff" happens in 8 months. Recently, the girls have really blossomed and I feel as if the last month has brought the most monumental milestones to date.  The girls are now:

...Sleeping through the ENTIRE night! That's right, its no typo, both babies are sleeping all night without a single interruption!  Maybe most of you mommies have had the pleasure of reaching this milestone quicker, but at times, I felt as if this day was never going to come. Heck, who am I kidding, I spent many restless nights crying with my girls wondering if I'd EVER sleep again. It's only been a week that both girls have slept all night, but I gotta admit two babies going down at 7:30 at night without a single fuss and sleeping 10-12 hours straight sure is heavenly. I guess consistency, patience, and a few (heartbreaking) "cry it out" moments were all worth it. Now if only this paranoid mama could stop with the middle of the night check ins, maybe I can get a solid 5 hour stretch of sleep for myself!

...Talking up a storm! Lola's first word was 'Coco'.   Of course she would pick our dog's name and not Mama or Dada, right? She is quite the character, our little Lola. She loves to mimic me and gets a kick out of all the funny sounds that seem to escape her tiny little mouth. Stella is not too far behind. She can listen to herself squeal all day long and loves blowing bubbles with her lips. This is cute until I'm trying to nurse her and she decides to take a dozen or so breaks from feeding to blow her bubbles while I have a hungry sister screaming in the background impatiently waiting her turn to nurse. (I stopped tandem nursing a few weeks ago, because the girls couldn't keep their hands off of each other and now timing and patience is the challenge I'm faced with.) Stellie's favorite sounds seem to be 'mamamama' and 'dadadada' so I'm predicting an intentional 'mama' is just around the corner!

...Grabbing everything in sight! A couple of weeks ago, I had Lola in my arms and was prepping some last minute items for dinner. I open the fridge and before I could even blink, a bottle of A1 sauce went from on the shelf, to in her hands, to on the floor. SPLAT! A1 all over the kitchen floor. Thankfully, the dogs were nearby and clean up wasn't as bad as it could have been. Her sister is just as bad. We went shopping a few days later and since they have graduated from their "snap-n-go" stroller to their "duoglider" stroller they are experiencing a new level of freedom on our trips out. Stella will just sit back with both arms stretched all the way out grabbing everything within reach. This was cute for a minute, then she managed to get her little grubby hands tangled in a clothing rack that nearly collapsed on all of us as she refused to let her tiny but tight grip go.  At least my daughter has good taste, she ended up clinging onto a cute pair of True Religion jeans that I just couldn't resist buying. It was a sign. Afterall, I  NEEDED a cute new pair of jeans. Plus, the sales clerk looked at me as if I had put my daughter up to swiping the denim so I sort of HAD to buy them.

These are just a few of the new things my girls are up to. I see so much on the horizon and I'm excited for my little critters to get moving! Crawling is just around the corner....

Now excuse me while I go nag my husband (again) to get moving on "Child Proofing" our house.

Nothing like coming home from a hard day of work to a nagging wife.

Wordless Wednesday

Oh, these two. They know EXACTLY what to do to put a smile on my face. 

Happy Hump Day!

Rise and Shine

My girls used to sleep in until 9:00 am.  Yes, you read correctly 9:00 am! I don't know how or why but for the first 7 months of their lives they loved to wake for their 6 am nurse session, snuggle, coo and then snooze until 9. Perhaps they knew how exhausted and sleep deprived their mama was. Maybe they wanted to give me some extra ZZZ's to rev up for the long day ahead. Heck, maybe they needed the extra relaxation before they wreaked havoc on the household. Who knows why, but I was incredibly grateful and dreading the day things would change.

Recently, they have discovered that sleeping in is so last week and being awake and ready to tackle the day by 6 a.m. is totally in.  They are cool like that. Already following the latest baby trends.

This morning, me and my bed head self, tip toed downstairs before they woke up and began to prepare the downstairs to be dominated by the girls.

I run through the following checklist:

Jumparoo in place, check.
Excersaucer in position, check.
Dora the Explorer on the big screen (that's right, my 7 month olds watch cartoons.... don't judge), check.
Coffee brewing, check.
Ipad within reach, check.

Just as I finished preparing the battle zone, I heard the faint call of duty.

That coffee better kick in soon.

It's time to get this party started.

I can't think of a better way to start my day than with these two. 

Back at it

It's been a while since I've written. Ok, longer than that, but I think I have a pretty good excuse for being away, right? One day, I'm bored and very pregnant praying for my little babes to make their debut and the next day I'm holding them in my arms not quite sure what to do with them. I can't help but think It's ONLY been 7 months, but at the same time it's ALREADY been 7 months? The past months have been the best but also one of the most difficult times in my life . Raising two newborns at the same time is quite the task and with very little help, I've had my work cut out for me. Don't get me wrong, my husband has been a tremendous help when he is home, but for the most part my weekdays are spent with just me and the girls. He is busy providing for his family, something we are eternally grateful for. We are lucky if he is home in time to take our evening stroll and prepare for our bedtime routines. He tries so hard to be here to help tuck them into bed.  If they only knew how much he yearned to hold them and kiss them each day.

As hard and stressful as it has been raising these two little girls, not a day passes that I don't thank God for the opportunity that I get to be home and take care of them daily. With that being said, being their sole means of entertainment is draining and cumbersome. Until now, I never knew how fun and hysterical I really am, even if it's just through the eyes of two 7 month old babies. Throughout these past months, I've learned a great deal about what tactics work and don't work in entertaining and training two babies at once. I've made lots of mistakes, but trust me, I have learned from my mistakes real quickly. These girls are sharp and have not problem letting me know when I've crossed the line. I've got a tough audience and they never cease to let me know when something I do is NOT working. We've got a pretty great system and reliable schedule that Bella and Stella depend on and for that I am grateful and proud of myself.

Without boring everybody with too much of the past, I'd like to reignite this blog and begin sharing where we are now.  Obviously, I will reflect on much of what I've learned since they've been born, but I really want to capture who they are now and who they are becoming. I hope that other moms can relate to some of what I share and that family and friends can connect and see what our family is up to. Most of all, I hope that one day my daughters can read this family journal and get a glimpse at how much they were loved and cared for.

And now, for the fun stuff...Pictures!!

Here they are at their first Pumpkin Patch visit.  There is something so special about the bond they already have.  I wish I knew what they were thinking in this moment.

These two miracles are such a sight to behold. Their sweetness is heartwarming and contagious. I'm so lucky they are mine.