Meltdown

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing goes right and you feel like you are going to lose your mind? A day where you want to curl up into your kids crib and join in on the cry fest?  A day where you say things you shouldn't and for a brief moment wish you had your "old" life back?  Well after 9 months of parenting twins, I finally had my first "Mommy Meltdown."

I'm not going to bore you with the mundane details of how that day went. In fact, for some, it was probably a typical, unpredictable day. You know how it goes:

-Early wake time

-Out of coffee

-Breakfast everywhere

-Diaper blow out

-Interrupted naps

-Company when all you want is to be alone

-Fussy, clinging babies

-Incessant crying

-Pounding headache

-No time for shower

The list really could go on, but I think you get the point. Now, don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of frustrating and tiring days. Days that kick my butt and that make me want to drop my girls off at a neighbor's house and just run (Totally kidding...kind of). This day however, was over the top and just sent me into tears.

I try so hard to be everything to my daughters and on this particular day I felt inadequate and unwanted. I know its absurd to think this, but I felt like I had failed and let down not only my girls but also my husband. I let the unpredictable and undesirable moments of the day dictate my mood and I just knew my girls were feeding off of my negative energy. At times, I was convinced they were doing this to me on purpose. Sort of a payback for all those "cry it out" nights that I put them through.

The moment my husband walked into the door, I handed him a kid, ran upstairs, and buried my head into my pillow so he couldn't hear my pathetic sobs. I was embarrassed that I couldn't handle a couple of fussy little babes and I didn't want him see the day's failures all over my face.  Silly me, all he had to do was look around the dirty kitchen, the disastrous playroom, and the filthy, food stained outfits on the girls to see how the day turned out.  There was no hiding it from him. He just knew I had been defeated.

Instead of bringing up what he knew was a horrible day, he offered to pick up my favorite treat from starbucks, to feed the girls their dinner, to give me some alone time for a nap and (gasp) let me take an uninterrupted, long and "much needed" (his words) shower. That night he hugged me and and thanked me for all that I do for him and the girls and he told me that he was proud of me and of the Mom that I had become.

In an instant, hearing those words erased the days frustrations. I never pegged myself as someone who craved attention or affirmation but being acknowledged and appreciated never felt so good.

Thankfully, these days are few and far between, at least for now.

I'm sure I will have my fair share of more meltdowns, but in the meantime...I'd like more moments like these please:

Chubby wrists and ankles make me melt...oh and cheeks, and thighs, and bottoms. Just not on me!

Yum, nothing like some plastic in our mouth!

Those eyes

That face

And that smile always bring me to my knees.

Rockin the sippy cup at 9 months!

These girls LOVE their daddy

Oh how lucky they are to have each other!

Sportin my faux fur vest!

And we love all our HUGE headbands!

Thanks for suprising us at the park Dad!