Enjoying the small things

That's what we've been doing. It's amazing how kids can change your perspective on life, love, and the small things in life. Since the girls have turned one, our days have been pretty crazy. Newborn twins have NOTHING on toddler twins. I'd give anything to have just one day of lounging on the couch with 1 girl strapped in her swing and the other buckled in tightly in her rocking chair.  The only worry back then was what contraption I would use next to help soothe and secure them while I tried to sneak in a power nap or (gasp) a shower!  Ahh, those were the days...and I'm referring to the days I actually showered before my husband got home or even everyday for that matter!

It's almost as if instantly something ignited their curiosity and interest in all of the LITTLE things around them.  For example, my daughters can spot a crumb, piece of lint, or leftover dog food kernel from a mile away. No joke, I spend most of their nap time on my hands and knees scouring the playroom floor for any little speck of garbage that they might spy. You better believe that the moment they spot that crumb, it's in their tiny little grip and on the brink of being their mid morning snack. Oh and the best part? The bloody murder screaming that ensues when I have to pry that leftover, stale and linty pop tart piece out of their mouth. What happened to the tiny little wimpers and grunts my girls used to make? I swear they only have 1 level on their volume control and it's nowhere near the soothing soft sounds of elevator music. My girls would give American Idol's Adam Lambert a run for his money.

Screaming seems to be the only way they think they can get mommy's attention. I used to be able to cruise the malls, browse the sale racks, and occasionally try on that cute little sundress I spied on the mannequin (even though I have nowhere to wear it and it's hanging in my closet with the tags still on). But now, the girls cringe at the mere sight of the double door entrance at my local Nordies. And if the MAC lady even looks at them wrong, the entire makeup department will know about it. Then again, I don't blame them, makeup that heavy only belongs on Drag Queens! Just Saying.  I rarely make it to the malls but sometimes I just NEED my fix. My solution? I make sure to skimp on their breakfast and pack loads and loads of snacks to feed them in the stroller! Don't judge...I see you taking notes.  This technique allows me to squeeze in a good 30 minutes in 1 department and even a brief moment in the dressing room. And to the lady next in line to use my dressing room? Sorry about the 50 goldfish that never made it into my daughters mouths. A mama's gotta do what she's gotta do.

We've been hitting up all the local parks on a daily basis. Between the tot lots, endless fields of grass, and sandy volleyball courts that have become our make shift "beaches" my girls and I are fortunate enough to spend our days working on our fabulous sun kissed tans. Actually, half our color comes from all the dirt and sand that the girls roll around in. It's a cheaper, creative, suburban (ok, ghetto) solution to a spray tan! Thank goodness my girls love baths. 2 baths a day are standard now a days. I do, however, feel the need to clean my bathtub BEFORE the cleaning ladies arrive. Anybody with me on this one?

This is just a little of what we've been up to lately. Lots more to share (and vent) about in the next post. So stay tuned.

And because I am such a "mammarazzi" what's a blog entry without pictures??

My little multi-tasker. Sunbathing and grocery shopping at the same time!

Another one of my "garage sale" finds. $15 for this sand/water table!  

Laundry day at my house. My husband might refer to this as "everyday" at our house. 

All I'm missing are some pink cowboy boots! 

Love the look in his eyes when he holds his little girls. Makes. Me. Melt. 

Yay, our tia, tio and cousins are in town! I'm not the only one who likes playing dress up with the girls.

It is now, nearly impossible to keep accessories on these girls! 

Grandpa and Lola checking out the little chicks. 

New Beanie!

Running off with her sister's shoe. 

Seconds before that leaf became lunch. 

Cruising around Pretend City.

Munching on a left over Goldfish she spotted on the floor! 

New "big girl" chairs!!

Stella loves her strawberries. 

One of the rare moments I captured BOTH girls "kinda" looking in the same direction for a photo.

How do you do it?

I get that question a lot.  "How do you it?"

Whether we are strolling through the park, running a quick errand at Target, cruising the malls, or enjoying a sweet treat at our favorite little corner bakery, we never seem to escape the stares, the doting, and the inevitable question "wow, are they twins?" Really people? As if the striking resemblance, the matching outfits, and the identical age and size of the two didn't already give it away? (Don't even get me started on this one) Once we establish that yes, they are twins, the natural progression of the conversation always ends with a sympathetic, "How do you do it?"

Now, let me honest, I LOVE the attention that my girls get. It took me 3 long, emotional years to start our family all in the midst of losing my own mother, so becoming a mother to two beautiful little girls is a dream come true. These girls were desperately wanted and for the rest of my life, I will continue to parade them around and show them off. They may be MINE, but just look at them...how can I NOT share that amount of cuteness with others?? But after the ooh's and ahh's that my girls get, the conversation always seems to get sour. As if I need to be reminded of the amount of work that it takes to take care of twins, right? Yes, it's hard, tiring, frustrating and expensive. But let's be real here. Isn't being a MOM to even 1 child all of these things? I don't mean to downplay the level of difficulty it is to be a mom to twins (so simmer down all you twin moms :) I just want to express that I don't find my role to be any more challenging than any of you other moms out there. We all have days that defeat us and days that end in tears.

How do any of us do it? Some of you work full or part time, attend classes, are dealing with health issues, family issues, financial issues, or even personal issues. Being a mom, especially a good one, takes every thing out of us sometimes and to juggle the rest of our responsibilities in life is pretty darn challenging. At times, it's near impossible, yet we always manage to get through it as best as we can. We suck it up, brave a new day and pour ourselves an extra strong cup of coffee and enter the battlefield of parenthood without hesitation. Why? Because it's just who we are as mothers and after a long, tiring day, tucking in our little loves, kissing them goodnight, and caressing their flawless skin makes it all worth it. We will most likely never get a real Thank You for years and years to come, if ever at all. They may never know how much we really love them until they experience parenthood for themselves. But even knowing this, there isn't a single day of their life that we don't put our best foot forward and give them our all. Sometimes it's not profound...maybe it's all our energy, our patience, our creativity or our attention. Whatever it may be, it's all we got, and darn it, it's all for them.

I usually just shrug and politely change the subject when someone asks me how I do it. I think it's safe to assume that they don't really care how the heck I get two dirty girls bathed, changed, and out the door or nursed, rocked, and in bed by 7, or napping and sleeping through the entire night. So instead of just politely shrugging it off, I've decided that I will have a new thought provoking response and new attitude towards what used to be an annoying question:

How do ANY of us do it??

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This last month has been full of birthdays, visits, belly aching laughter, weekend getaways, date nights, party planning and play dates.  Along with all the fun,  we've also had fevers, teething, colds, Dr. visits, shots, tantrums and so much more. It's been a long, exhausting and sleep deprived month. But when I'm tempted to throw myself a pity party after a hard day, I sneak a peek into my girls bedrooms while they sleep and am quickly reminded why it's all worth it.

This my friends, is why it's oh-so-worth-it

We ran into our friend Josh at the park. What a cutie, he wanted to hang and strike a pose for the camera!

Thank you Auntie Jill for making the long trip from New York to finally meet us! 

My daughter...the exhibitionist.

Scored this little gem at a garage sale for $15.  My girls love it!

Taking a stroll in the neighborhood

Date Night! Our limo is waiting out front...no joke, we took a limo!! HA!

Since my daughter's have NEVER had a bottle, they now use it as a teething toy.  Whatever works.

The only thing missing from this pic is a couple of piggies...and they are upstairs napping. 

1 swing, 2 babies = no problem!  Time to improvise.

In just three weeks the girls will be turning 1!! I've been plotting and scheming for their big party. I can't wait to celebrate their birth and their 1st year with all of our friends and family.

Has it really been a year already? Where does the time go??

Double Digits, Watch Out!

How is it possible?? My little girls are already 10 months old.  In less than 2 months, we are going to be celebrating their 1st birthday and giving ourselves a much needed pat on the back for surviving the 1st year of parenthood. Sometimes I don't know how we've managed to stay sane, be somewhat rested, and not lose our cool. Actually, who am I kidding? I'm definitely sleep deprived, a little insane at times, and have occasionally lost my cool. But hey, from the mommy meltdown stories I've heard the last couple of weeks and the out pour of sympathy emails after my last post, I feel totally normal for NEEDING an adult beverage at night to unwind and reflect on all the parenting mistakes I made during the day. 

Since their birthday is just around the corner, you better believe I am already planning MY, I mean their, party. It's pretty hard to plan a 1st birthday without wanting to get carried away. I contemplated so many girly themes...princess, fairies, ballerinas, barbies, tea parties...oh the options are endless!  Basically anything obnoxiously feminine and pink would be perfect. Then all of a sudden it hit me. They aren't going to remember ANY of it so I really need to save my arsenal of playful themes for when they are a little bit older and can appreciate (HA!) or at least get excited about the tricks up my sleeve. I've accepted that it's probably too soon to hire Cinderella to stop by and give my girls some tips on how to snag their own Prince Charming. So I've decided to settle with a quaint, colorful, twist on the classic "Shabby Chic" garden party. Picture colorful fabrics, bunting banners, whimsical pinwheels, a dessert/candy bar (of course, in addition to a real bar) and homemade pink lemonade served up in antique mason jars. I'm excited about putting this all together and even more excited about making it unique, cozy, homemade, and affordable. I've got a strict budget I want to work with and believe it or not, it's been easier and more enjoyable trying to do this on a "dime". There is something so rewarding about bargain shopping and getting crafty. It's almost as if I feel victorious when I stumble upon a gem in the dollar aisle at target or even better... find something with potential in my own house! I know, I'm way ahead of myself but I can't help it, a first birthday is kind of a big deal. It may not be the elaborate, fairy tale party that I had initially envisioned, but it will still be beautiful and memorable.

Time to get started on one of my DIY party projects. Pictures like these, attached to clothespins and hung on a beautiful ribbon.

Just for fun, here's some of the cute stuff that my girls have been up to lately...

-Kisses! You girls love to give your mommy and daddy open mouthed, slobbery kisses. This might be the only time giving a little tongue is acceptable, you hear me? Daddy says don't get used to it.
-Moo'ing! Your papa has sure done a great job at teaching you what sound a cow makes. You are only 10 months old and can moo on command. I see big things ahead of you. In fact, I am already researching  pre-schools for the gifted.
-Clapping! It's gotta be the cutest thing to see those chubby little hands clapping back and forth at the mere sound of a song or spongebob intro. Oh, and if you hear one of those Nickolodeon boy band songs, forget about it, there is no stopping the excitement that takes over your tiny little bodies. I blame you for my Bieber Fever.
-Teething! So this milestone may not be that "cute" due to the slobber and middle of the night tossing and turning, but the little budding teeth that are starting to show is pretty adorable. I am however, getting a little nervous about the nursing situation. It's bad enough that when I don't cut your nails regularly, I look like I have been malled by a tiger. Throw some teeth in there and I might be bringing turtlenecks back in style.


Ok, I've wasted enough time. Time to get working on that project!

Meltdown

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing goes right and you feel like you are going to lose your mind? A day where you want to curl up into your kids crib and join in on the cry fest?  A day where you say things you shouldn't and for a brief moment wish you had your "old" life back?  Well after 9 months of parenting twins, I finally had my first "Mommy Meltdown."

I'm not going to bore you with the mundane details of how that day went. In fact, for some, it was probably a typical, unpredictable day. You know how it goes:

-Early wake time

-Out of coffee

-Breakfast everywhere

-Diaper blow out

-Interrupted naps

-Company when all you want is to be alone

-Fussy, clinging babies

-Incessant crying

-Pounding headache

-No time for shower

The list really could go on, but I think you get the point. Now, don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of frustrating and tiring days. Days that kick my butt and that make me want to drop my girls off at a neighbor's house and just run (Totally kidding...kind of). This day however, was over the top and just sent me into tears.

I try so hard to be everything to my daughters and on this particular day I felt inadequate and unwanted. I know its absurd to think this, but I felt like I had failed and let down not only my girls but also my husband. I let the unpredictable and undesirable moments of the day dictate my mood and I just knew my girls were feeding off of my negative energy. At times, I was convinced they were doing this to me on purpose. Sort of a payback for all those "cry it out" nights that I put them through.

The moment my husband walked into the door, I handed him a kid, ran upstairs, and buried my head into my pillow so he couldn't hear my pathetic sobs. I was embarrassed that I couldn't handle a couple of fussy little babes and I didn't want him see the day's failures all over my face.  Silly me, all he had to do was look around the dirty kitchen, the disastrous playroom, and the filthy, food stained outfits on the girls to see how the day turned out.  There was no hiding it from him. He just knew I had been defeated.

Instead of bringing up what he knew was a horrible day, he offered to pick up my favorite treat from starbucks, to feed the girls their dinner, to give me some alone time for a nap and (gasp) let me take an uninterrupted, long and "much needed" (his words) shower. That night he hugged me and and thanked me for all that I do for him and the girls and he told me that he was proud of me and of the Mom that I had become.

In an instant, hearing those words erased the days frustrations. I never pegged myself as someone who craved attention or affirmation but being acknowledged and appreciated never felt so good.

Thankfully, these days are few and far between, at least for now.

I'm sure I will have my fair share of more meltdowns, but in the meantime...I'd like more moments like these please:

Chubby wrists and ankles make me melt...oh and cheeks, and thighs, and bottoms. Just not on me!

Yum, nothing like some plastic in our mouth!

Those eyes

That face

And that smile always bring me to my knees.

Rockin the sippy cup at 9 months!

These girls LOVE their daddy

Oh how lucky they are to have each other!

Sportin my faux fur vest!

And we love all our HUGE headbands!

Thanks for suprising us at the park Dad! 

New Year...

...new me. I'm not one for New Year's resolutions. In fact I've never made one before. Which means by default, I've also never failed at one either! Not that anything was wrong with the old me (insert sarcasm here), I'm just craving some new beginnings and strongly desire to become a better wife, mom, daughter and overall person.

These two beauties have given me such purpose and a greater appreciation for life. I want to make sure to squeeze every bit of out of the life I was given and want my girls to be proud of the mother they have. I want them to feel the sunshine on their tiny little bodies every day that it is out and I want them to wiggle their toes in the dirt, sand, or grass every chance they get. I want to be more "present" every moment I am with them and forget about the pile of laundry that needs to be folded or the toys that need to be picked up. I want to make sure that every moment I have with them is memorable and unlike no other. I want to smother them with fun, goofiness, cuddles, kisses and just plain love because they deserve it.

The holidays are just about packed up. That dang tree is staring me down begging me to give it it's final resting spot and the garland and nativity scenes are being boxed up as I type. The neighbors cookies and treats have been polished off and all the holiday left overs are long gone. Oh how I wish I could blame my husband for not leaving a crumb behind, but the little, I repeat, LITTLE muffin top on my "skinny" jeans begs to differ. I know it's so cliche but one of my resolutions is to lose the rest of my pregnancy weight and take better care of my body. I refuse to utter the word "diet" so instead, I am resolved to eating healthy and excercising more. Not only for me, but for my girls. I intend on being around for a very long time and while I'm here I always want to have the energy for them.

My vow to incorporate a healthier lifestyle isn't the only resolution I've made. I actually hesitate to call my list "resolutions" out of fear that I will consider it a failure if I don't accomplish them. Instead, I will call it my 2011 bucket list. This way I can relish in the accomplishments of completing my goals and I can have a list of "things" to look forward to.  So here it goes...

-Have a picnic in the park with my family. No phones, no iPads, no electronics.  Just me, my husband, my girls and God's creation. 

-Finally complete one of the several scrapbooks that I've started

-Run a 5k with my girls. Double jogger in tow.  

-Clean out my closet and donate my clothes to a worthy organization

-Attend The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network's yearly fundraising gala in honor of my mom and grandmother who both succumbed to the horrible disease. 

-Hike a new spot in Orange County at least once a month with the girls strapped to our backs. 

-Take my girls to my husband and I's favorite spot in the world, Hanalei Bay, Kauai and let them dig their toes in the sand for hours. 

-Surprise my husband with a spontaneous trip or gift just because.

-Take more pictures and not let them just sit in cyber storage.  

-Be more present as a mother and not sweat the small stuff. Enjoy every moment, as it will soon just be a memory.

-Live healthier. More fun in the sun, puddle jumping in the rain, snacking straight from mother nature, and washing it all down with God's greatest cocktail, H20.

There you have it, my New Year's Bucket List. A new year, a new me. I have so much to look forward to and so much to be grateful for.

Take a look for yourself...